Ok, so I am a guy, and that means that I automatically hate women’s romance novels to begin with. This goes deeper than pure gender though. This goes to the very core of what our society is based on with gender roles, double standards, sexual relationships and football. Ok, maybe not football, but I miss the NFL already, so I had to throw it out there. Anyway, back to business. Romance novels (and all of there spin-offs) are evil and they are making life exceptionally hard for men in America. To best explain this tragedy, I am going to deal with this issue in a professional and formal debate style, with resolved points. You can disagree if you’d like, but good luck.
Resolved: The men in romance novels are impossibly perfect.
This is not even an issue that can be challenged intelligently, even unintelligibly for that matter. The men in these stories are not only dashingly handsome, physical perfect, amazing lovers and capable of fighting and defeating any enemy that may come challenge his or his woman’s honor, they are also sensitive enough to cry, buy flowers and remember every important occasion that has ever taken place in the history of love and mankind. Are you kidding me? There are not enough hours in the day for me to workout enough to have freaking 8 pack abs and bulging biceps, then go to a obviously very well paying job to provide all those wonderful gifts to my wonderful woman, and somehow be able to make breakfast in bed and fight off the evils of the world. Seriously? This is creating a lot of unnecessary pressure on those of us that are pretty good husbands and fathers. How in the hell do I keep up? This is akin to women getting upset that men like to look at Playboy because the women are too “perfect” and women “do not really look like that.” Duh, we know that, we’ve always known that. We may seem like cretins, but we do actually have a brain in there somewhere.
Resolved: There is a serious double standard when it comes to women and men’s objectification of the opposite sex
One word: Twilight.
Imagine 100 men standing in line to see a movie with signs claiming how much they love Taylor Swift or Hayden Panetierre. Creepy? Damn skippy its creepy. But how many rown women went to see “New Moon” with “Team Edward” or “Team Jacob” scrolled all over everything? Strange.
I know that there are double standards everywhere and this is not the most important issue in the entire world, but I really would prefer if my wife would put down that Harlequin book and pick up Lord of the Rings, where at least men are men and they can be dirty and manly and hang out with dwarves and get drunk, and our women will still let us sleep in our own beds.